Early ejaculation is an issue most men have dealt with at least once in their sexual lifetime. It could be a one-off incident that happens when a man is unusually tired, unfocused, or when he hasn’t had sex in a long time. And it might be all in his head. But if it occurs on a repetitive basis and you’ve explored non-medical avenues, then it may be time to consult a doctor.
Seeing a professional for sexual dysfunction can seem like an embarrassing thing, but it doesn’t have to be. Getting the right doctor is key. Modern medical professionals understand how difficult this is for a man and his partner, so they are friendly, helpful, and best of all, discreet. Some clinics will even offer you a free initial consultation by phone so that you can get comfortable and warm up to the idea. Still, how do you know when it’s time to call the doctor?
Well, there are certain pre-existing medical conditions that can cause premature ejaculation. If your partner has any of them, he should probably see a doctor so that he can receive a kind of sexual therapy or medication that is compatible with that condition. These ailments include issues with his thyroid or prostate, diabetes, or multiple sclerosis. Your partner may be aware that he has these conditions, or they may be undiagnosed. A thorough physical examination by a doctor will help identify them or rule them out.
Sometimes, a medical problem can be explored through social routes. Some factors that might indicate an underlying medical matter can be discovered by asking a few simple questions. Depending on the level of your relationship, you could ask him these questions yourself, or a get a neutral party to ask them for you.
As you dig into these queries, try not to take his responses personally. If you do, he might feel like you’re blaming him, which will lead him to shut down and stop opening up, then nothing will get resolved. If you don’t already know, find out how often early ejaculation has occurred, and whether it’s a chronic issue or a sporadic one. It might be that he comes early once every few months, or that he has consistently experienced it over a prolonged period.
Check whether it happens every time he has sex, or whether it’s triggered by certain times of day, kinds of food, or unrelated experiences outside the bedroom. Maybe it only happens when you’ve had a fight, when his boss yells at him, or when his football team loses. If your relationship can handle it, ask him if it only happens with you, or whether he’s experienced it with other partners. Quick tip, this question should probably be outsourced to his doctor or to a neutral friend, since it’s hard not to take it personally, so he will probably lie to spare your feelings.
A safer question is to find out just how much stimulation causes early ejaculation so that you can see if it’s something that can be tempered or whether he’ll need medical intervention. The next few questions are better off coming from a neutral party, preferably not a female one. Ask him if he is able to consciously delay ejaculation at least until active penetration. He could do this by using condoms, lubricant, tantric tricks, breathing exercises, kegels, extended foreplay, and even targeted masturbation. If none of this works, the problem may have a medical root.
Have a neutral party find out how early ejaculation is affecting your partner’s life. Is it influencing his perception of himself, his sense of manhood, his quality of life? Is it affecting his sexual activity with you? Does he think you are unhappy, frustrated, or ill at ease? All these factors will affect his mental state and can interfere with treatment options, so they’re important to know. And again, try not to take any of it personally.
After you’ve gone through all these matters and you’re still unsure whether his issue is medical or psychological, you can confirm or dispel your concerns by calling a doctor. Certain sexual dysfunction resolvers offer free consultations, sometimes over the phone, so get in touch with one and get the help you need.